· Live In Seattle At The Columbia City Theater
Side A
A1 Introduction, A Gift From Derrick A2 Some Jokes That Have To Do With My Girlfriend, A Hotel In Boston, A Man In Provincetown, Twitter, Time Vs. Timing, A Neck Pillow A3 Sub Pop Showcase At SxSW A5 Some Jokes That Touch Upon Religion, Guitar Center A7 The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe Side B
B8 Girlfriend, Khaleesi, Any Questions, Making A 'Zine B9 Contacting Celebrities On Facebook B10 Not Happy With A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH B11 Paintings I Made To Showcase At My Local Whole Foods B12 I Marry A Couple From The Audience On Stage · A Guided Meditation For The Thoughtful Body
Side C
C1 Welcome To The Meditation, Please Get Comfortable C4 Tummy, Doodle & Hoo-Hoo C8 Thank You Body, Simple Ways To Relax Side D
D2 Take A Ride On The Poon Schooner D3 I'm A Dirty Little Foreign Advisor D4 I Thought I Was The Pancake Man D5 You're A World-Class Pussy-Grifter · Eugene's Comprehensive Sound Effects Library
Side E
E7 Dog
E8 Cat
E9 Cat Purring
E10 Cat Asking For Directions
E11 Two Sheep Arguing
E12 Mice Making Fried Rice
E13 Bear
E14 Wolf
E15 Fox Embarrassed About His Boner
E16 Giraffe Sleeping
E17 Turtle
E18 Turtle II
E19 Chicken Prostitute Haggling
E20 Shark
E21 Toilet Flushing
E22 Blender
E23 Automatic Door Opening
E24 Doorbell
E25 Alarm Clock
E26 Frying Pan Sizzle
E27 Teapot Whistle
E28 Dishwasher Running
E29 Telephone Ringing
E30 Telephone Falling On The Ground
E31 Shower Running
E32 Crackling Fire
E33 VCR Ejecting A Tape
E34 Group Of Businessmen Agreeing
E35 Baby Locked In A Dresser
E36 Fart
E37 Long Fart
E38 Fart III
E39 Little Girl Crying
E40 Man Walking In Boots
E41 Screaming Man
E42 Screaming Woman Who Sounds Like A Man
E43 TV Audience Clapping At Food
E44 Drum Circle
E45 Rave
E46 Last Guy At A Rave
E47 Train
E48 Steam Engine
E49 Neon Sign
E50 Motorcycle
E51 Scanning An Item
E52 Feeling For A Ripe Avocado
E53 Jihadist After Seeing About A Boy
E54 Jack-In-The-Box
E55 Jigsaw Puzzle
E56 Fire Truck
E57 Video Game
E58 Italian Person Eating A Pizza Pie
E59 Naturalized Immigrant Doing A Job You Are Unqualified For
E60 Abortion Doctor Enjoying A Candy Bar
E61 Grand Wizard Can't Find A Sock
E62 Powerful Senator
E63 Powerful Senator II
E64 Fighter Plane
E65 Ambient Noise In An Airplane
E66 Airplane Flying
E67 Police Siren
E68 Police Siren In Europe
E69 Police Siren In Belgium
E70 Gun Shot
E71 Machine Gun
E72 .357 Magnum Inside A Watermelon
E73 Gays In The Military
E74 Thunder
E75 Rain
E76 Hurricane
E77 Blizzard
E78 Snowing
E79 Sentient Robot Going About His Daily Business
E80 Computer Downloading A File
E81 New Email
E82 Traffic
E83 Kids Playing In The Park
E84 Kids Playing In The Park II
E85 Spaceship Flying
E86 Spaceship Crashing
E87 Going To Warp Speed
E88 Alien Supermarket
E89 Laser Gunfire
E90 Someone Controlling Technology By Waving Their Hands
E91 Ronald Reagan Taking A Shower
E92 Tacos
E93 Fur Coat Getting Fucked By A Bunch Of Cats
E94 Tree Falling In A Forest
E95 Jewish Person Saying “Oy Vey” Wrong
E96 Summertime
E97 People Being Diligent At An Ad Agency
E98 Helicopters
E99 Living Helicopter Complaining
Side F
F100 Chinese Woman Eating Lasagna
F101 Hero Returning From A Budweiser Commercial
F102 Elephant Having Trouble
F103 One Of Those People On The Street Who Tries To Get Money
F104 Telephone Calling A Toaster
F105 Grasshopper Asking A Dog A Question
F106 Shortwave Radio
F107 Two Apples On A Rainy Sunday In The Fall
F108 Dentist Having Sex
F109 Panda At A Hotel
F110 Birth Control Pills Telling A Little Boy Not To Eat Them
F111 Cat That Doesn't Mind
F112 Male Toothpaste Being Sneaky
F113 Creamy Polenta Vs. Couscous
F114 Old Man's Penis
F115 Dial Tone
F116 Museum That Needs To Use The Bathroom
F117 Celebrity Agreeing To Take A Selfie
F118 Guy Getting A Sweet Beej
F119 Fire Hydrant That Doesn't Want Anyone To Know It's Anti-Semitic
F120 Bellhop Who Got Stung
F121 LGBT Party Where People Are Eating Sushi
F122 LGBT Newsletter That Loves The Expendables Franchise
F123 Sweaty Kid Crying About A Sandwich
F124 Too Many Pieces Of Paper
F125 Puddle
F126 Magic Clown Using His Powers
F127 Wild Turkey Bragging About His Mansion
F128 The Number 84 Explaining To The Number 52 That It Is Bigger But Not Better
F129 Tape Recorder Being Used Wrong
F130 Misogynistic Maple Trees
F131 Apple Sauce Being Naughty
F132 Safe Word
F133 Two Pistols Sitting On A Shelf
F134 Cookies Being Arrested
F135 Sheep That Is Too Cute To Eat
F136 Daughter Reacting To Her Mother Telling Her There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World
F137 Desk Covered In Hair
F138 Person From 1870 Who Was Frozen In Time
F139 Boy Who Loves Hammocks
F140 Dustpan
F141 A Billion Ants Writing A Complaint Letter
F142 Two 20-Year-Olds Touching Their Winkies
F143 Yellow Line That Divides Roads
F144 Smell Of A Pear
F145 Group Of Wealthy Men
F146 Confused Child
F147 25 Rats Sleeping
F148 Flowers
F149 Fishing
F150 Boat
F151 Mizzenmast
F152 Bow
F153 Stern
F154 Basement
F155 Rainbow
F156 Telescope Being Defensive
F157 Larry King Being Told Important Information
F158 Well
F159 The Moment A Well-Respected Author Wins The Guinness World Record
F160 Salad
F161 Little Girl Teasing A Lamp
F162 Zoo With Nothing To Lose
F163 Racist Stapler
F164 Friendship Bracelet
F165 Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir
F166 Two Lost Fireflies
F167 Humpback Whale
F168 Elevator At The Empire State Building
F169 Tip Of A Billionaire's Penis
F170 Brand New Pillows Covered In Blood
F171 French Kids Picking Apples
F172 Huge Pile Of Dirty Shirts
F173 Hotel Guest Falling Asleep Frustrated
F174 RomneyCare & ObamaCare
F175 The Nerve Of Some People
F176 Boner School
F177 Spilled Milk That Found Out Its Son Died In A Car Accident
F178 A BuzzFeed List
F179 Two College Kids Subtly Trying To Figure Out Which One Is More Disadvantaged
F180 Fox News & MSNBC
F181 Amicable Divorce
F182 Bing-Bong Ding-Dong Playing With Boom-Boom Doom-Doom
F183 Snacks In Iraq
F184 Telecommuting Cat
F185 Nano-Horse
F186 Hebrew Ray
F187 Caldor Binge Drinking
F188 Gender Roles On Their Way To A Football Game
F189 Details
F190 School Teacher Given Permission
F191 High School Hockey Team Seeing 20 Years Into The Future
F192 Cheese
F193 Anna Kendrick Discovering An Underwater City
F194 The Czech Republic
F195 Drug Lord Feels Pretty Bad
F196 Hotel Bed That Is Tired
F197 Warm Handmade Boiled Bagels
F198 Silly Billy Goat Got A Heroin Addiction
Side G
G1 A Medically Reliable Introduction To Digital Drugs
G2 Marijuana
G3 PCP
G4 Heroin
G5 Apple Cider Vinegar
G6 MDMA
Side H
H7 LSD
H8 Amoxicillin
H9 Peyote
H10 Amaretto Sour
H11 Oxycodone
· Over 45 Minutes Of Crying
Side I
I1 Crying
I2 More Crying
I3 Still Crying
Side J
J1 I Simply Keep Crying
· Introduction To Spoken Russian
Side K
K1 Welcome To My Russian Audio Phrasebook
K2 Common Statements & Questions For Everyday Situations
K3 Conversational Russian In The Workplace
K4 Casual Phrases For Parties, Pubs & Outings
K5 Proper Dinner Conversation For The Educated Guest
K6 Small Talk With Strangers & Acquaintances In Public Spaces
K7 Useful Phrases While On Vacation In Russia
K8 Commonplace Subjects Within The Rich World Of Academia
K9 Polite Ways To Engage People Of High Status
· Ringtones & Outgoing Voicemail Messages For Your Personal Use
Side L
L1 Intro To Ringtones
L2 Phone Call
L3 Vibrate Vibrate Vibrate
L4 Ding-Dong Doodly-Doo
L5 Waterfalls Shrimp Shrimp
L6 Fiddle-Doddle-Doodle-Deedle
L7 Doo-Doo-Pa-Dee-Da-Da-Pada
L8 Phone Is Ringing
L9 Friend
L10 Love
L11 Spicy Fish
L12 Mother Calling
L13 Father Calling
L14 Mother 2
L15 Father 2
L16 Zippa-Dee-Doo-Da Zippa-Dee-Da
L17 Aaaaaaaa
L18 Wife Calling
L19 Husband Calling
L20 Someone Is Calling
L21 Fuckface Calling
L22 Acquaintance
L23 Unnnnnn
L24 Auauauauauauau
L25 Wouowowoooouuuooo
L26 Whistle Ring
L27 Trtrtrtrtrtrtrllllbbrrr
L28 Vrrrvvvvvvvvvvbbbrrr
L29 Hyeuueehuuyehyeheyehyeyeeuu
L30 Gwreeegwkqreu
L31 Hrrruuhrrrunnghruu
L32 Hraaaa! Hraavlaa!
L33 Luuuuleelaaalalou!!
L34 Unnngnhhhnhnhnuua
L35 Answer The Phone
L36 Pffrrrtttt
L37 Susan Sarandon Is Calling
L38 Colleague
L39 Doodle-Doodle Hoo-Hoo
L40 Hey!
L41 Waffles
L42 Fuckbuddy
L43 Piano Cleaner
L44 Bryan
L45 Cream Cheese
L46 Rabbi
L47 Priest
L48 I Can't Answer The Phone
L49 Intro To Outgoing Voicemail Messages
L50 Dr. Fart
L51 Sarah
L52 Social Anxiety
L53 The Sizzle-Maker
L54 Mittens
L55 Kate
L56 No Answer
L57 Debbie
L58 Andrew
L59 Phil Donahue
L60 Kaitlin
L61 Old Man
L62 Steve
L63 Lucy
L64 Judy
L65 Megan
L66 Leave Your Name
L67 Kim
L68 Tim
L69 Miguel
L70 Sebastian
L71 Penicillin Dong
L72 Thong McHacky-Sack
L73 Matt
L74 Katie
L75 Confident Balls
L76 Robert
L77 Mr. Shitface
L78 Pile Of Sneakers
L79 Pasta Nasty
L80 Crème Fresh Jackson
L81 I Can’t Answer The Phone
L82 Flitchy Woo-Woo
L83 Slick Motherfucker
L84 Sleepy Horse
L85 Can't Come To Phone
L86 Dawn
L87 I Am A Doctor
L88 Nick
L89 Poodle
L90 Hello, Mr. Cunt
L91 Standard Greeting 1
L92 Standard Greeting 2
L93 Standard Greeting 3
L94 Standard Greeting 4
L95 Standard Greeting 5
L96 Standard Greeting 6
L97 Standard Greeting 7
L98 I Can't Answer The Phone (But I Want To)
Side M
M1 Please Take Off Your Shoes
M2 Don Draper Has The Flu
M3 Moons Over Your Hammy
M4 It's Not A Slumber Party Without Thor
M5 Now My Back Hurts
M6 Waffle House Parking Lot Mix-Up
M7 Thank You So, So Much Mandy Patinkin
M8 Oops
M9 Sneaking Around The Zoo
M10 Goodnight, Buddy
M11 Baba Yaga Already Said She Was Sorry
M12 Faxed To The Wrong Number
M13 Linda Ronstadt Chillaxing
M14 1960's Street Fight
M15 Seriously Bro, You Just Made Me Goosh… Thanks
M16 You Can Call Me Al (Not Song)
M17 Don't Worry, This Man-Nanny Can Keep A Secret
M18 The Best Misunderstanding
M19 Whoa… Lookout, Sir Beast-Weasel
M20 Kindhearted Fireman
M21 Let's Put Our Intellectual Property Debate On Hold
M22 Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. And Mrs. President
M23 Ice Cream Hearts Melting In The Love-Sun
M24 Offal For Lunch, Woo-Hoo For Dinner
M25 Goofballs Having Silly Fun
M26 The Jackal Never Misses!
M27 Land-Grabber's Cousin Has Nice Upstairs
M28 Mrs. Thunder / Mr. 80% Chance Of Rain
M29 Don't Mind If I Do…
M30 Round One Goes To Princess-Rump
M31 Happy And Stuffed
M32 Just Another Guns N' Roses Brunch
M33 Pleasant Surprise At Sleepaway Camp
M34 Handsome Old Man Has A Tummy Ache
M35 Have We Met?
M36 No, Please… After You
M37 Gimme Back My Bonnie Raitt CD… Actually, Keep It
M38 Tollbooth Attendant Is Open-Minded
M39 88% On Rotten Tomatoes
M40 Mischievous Whoopsy-Daisy
M41 Two Rascals Showing Off
M42 48 And Flexible
M43 That Was Worth It
M44 Bandits Helping Around The House
M45 Army Buddies Going Big-Ball Bowling
M46 I'm The Autodidact Of Amour
M47 Oh, My Wife Knows
M48 That Was The Best FTP I Ever Uploaded
M49 The Healing Heart / Mother-In-Law
M50 Just Two Doves At A Sweat Party
M51 We Get Five Weeks' Vacation In Holland
M52 Young Man Is An Excellent Executive Administrative Assistant
M53 Two Adults In A Small Space
M54 Dude, We're On The 5 O'Clock News
M55 www.thepleasuresallmine.gov
M56 I Don't Have The Hiccups Anymore
M57 Thank You For Allowing Me Access To Your Oven
M58 These Goat-Like People Know Their Bodies!
M59 Bill Clinton Is Still Quite Playful
M60 I Could Sure Use A Glass Of Water Now
M61 The Kindness Of Strangers
M62 We're Registered At Bed, Bath & Behind
M63 IT Department Doesn't Have A Care In The World
M64 Brassy, Bald And Ejaculating
M65 I Voted For McCain In 2000
M66 New Car Smell, Old Car Feel
M67 Paul Can Really Push Good
M68 Stay In My Guest Room As Long As You Want
M69 David And Joshua Mutual Pleasure Exchange
M70 Doin' The Flip-A-Doo
M71 Anti-Vaxxer "Saxophone" Relaxer
M72 Germaphobe Does Not Mind
M73 Very Sleepy Man Delivers On Promise
M74 Fourscore And Seven Years Of Happy-Happy
M75 Fart Walrus
M76 French Woman Enjoying A Danish
M77 No Shirt, No Shoes - Service
M78 With Or Without You (Preferably With)
M79 Shouts And Murmurs
M80 Pilates Are Invigorating
M81 I'll Take A Look At The Dessert Menu
M82 The Last Rock Star
M83 It's Noon Somewhere
M84 My Bar Mitzvah Was Ten Years Ago
M85 Community Bookstore Meet-Up Gone Good
M86 Love Clean Up, Aisle One
M87 Found Your Thing Using MapQuest
M88 Divorced MILF At A Used Record Store
M89 This Cheesecake Is Divine
M90 Jam Session
M91 Can't Find My Socks (Don't Want To)
M92 Even Better Than An Associate Degree
M93 I Went To School In The Boston Area
M94 Happiness Is A Warm Dong
M95 Square Hole, Triangle Peg, Plus Another Square Hole
M96 Call Me Dr. Stardust
M97 Now That's How A Puppy Should Sneeze
M98 Fun Times Inside A Grain Elevator
M99 Operation Cooch-Toot
Side N
N100 Preggo!
N101 My Parents Won't Be Home For A Year And Five Days
N102 Sure, In There Is Fine
N103 The Official Webcam Of Yugoslavia
N104 Last Entry Is At Three, But You Can Stay Til Six(!)
N105 We Were Just Talking About You
N106 Bridesmaid Cutting Loose At The Governor Bradford
N107 Sophisticated?
N108 We Deserve A Michelin Star
N109 Mr. Mamet Showing Off His Special Forces
N110 Soup Dumplings, Squish-Squish
N111 How Very Hemmingway Of You
N112 Drinking Straight Out Of Lust's Milk Carton
N113 Amateur Anthropologist Makes Important Observation
N114 Senior Year Hebrew School Mischief
N115 I Wonder If This Was Allowed In Prussia?
N116 Pretty Fun Night In Merrill C3 Short
N117 Should We Take The Bridge Or The Tunnel?
N118 Dirty Boulevard
N119 Is The Love-Falcon Available For Birthdays?
N120 Portland, ME Is Cool… But Really Weird
N121 The Wish-Maker Will See You Now
N122 Head Of Development Instructing Rugged Hiker
N123 The Shenanigans You Requested
N124 What Gusto!
N125 Please Don't Make This About Harold Pinter (Again)
N126 Wet Hot Americano
N127 A Gentleman Never Reveals His Source
N128 Glad The Town Approved Your Slurping Permit
N129 A Mime Betrayed, A Mime Forgiven
N130 Too Soon?
N131 Please Be Quiet Or You'll Wake Up My Titties
N132 Never You Mind That
N133 She Got A Real Candy Apple Poot-Hooter
N134 Dolph Lundgren At That Top Of His Game
N135 Mustachioed Man Has Patience, Diligence
N136 Two Gigolos, One Office Manager
N137 Secretary Of State Is Not Off-Putting
N138 It Took Another Man's Wife To Make This Boy A Man
N139 Nothing Goes To Waste
N140 My Mouse Is Thankful For Your Mouse
N141 Make Yourself At Home
N142 Meet Me By The Condom Machine
N143 I Feel Like I've Known You For Hours
N144 Oh, I Thought You Wanted Something Else, Glad It Worked Out
N145 Fire Your Dentist!
N146 Postwar Japan Is Well-Understood By These Two
N147 Gene Simmons Crying In A Pile Of Shit
N148 I'm The Only Lady Who Could Pull Excalibur Outta There
N149 Rooting For Truffles, Miami Style
N150 Businessman Has Ding-Dong Like Rocket Ship
N151 Sally's In Charge
N152 Too Much Pudding, Not Enough Spoons
N153 The Turkish Parliament Has Approved This "Carrot-Man"
N154 It's Raining Dan
N155 It's Like Apples And Oranges (Fucking)
N156 College Is Exactly What I Was Hoping It'd Be
N157 Mentally Ill Farmer Is Finally Getting Help
N158 A Swedish Couple Enjoying Hearty Vegetables
N159 Vulnerable Oligarch Vulnerably Sexting
N160 Best Friends / Next Level
N161 Tooth Fairy Is Quite Real
N162 Civil Disobedience Met With Heartfelt Understanding
N163 A Textbook Case Of Level-12 Pleasure
N164 So Glad That Was You Behind Me
N165 An Astoundingly Honest And Fun Salesman
N166 Celebrating My Promotion With My Wife And Some Dude
N167 Martha Washington? Mmmm Hmmmm
N168 Crammin' For The Jam Exam
N169 I'm Glad We Waited Til Dusk
N170 You Are As Powerful And Detail-Oriented As A River, Sir
N171 Just A Couple Of Lucky Special Ed Teachers
N172 You're Like John Adams Times 1.5!
N173 Babysitter Surprisingly Into Divorced Software Engineer
N174 I Guess We'll Need A New Kitchen
N175 Guilty Catholics Have To Marry Each Other
N176 They Call Me The "You're Welcome Man"
N177 Let's Get Your Mind Off Of The Dust Bowl
N178 So Relieved We Found This Abandoned Schoolhouse
N179 File Under "The Rolling Stones"
N180 No Need To Explain Your Clean Aqueduct
N181 My Poon-Noodles Are Your Doon-Poodles
N182 Two-State Solution With Benefits
N183 My Skill Set Qualifies Me For This Position
N184 Can't Tell If This Is Sex Or Hockey
N185 Have The Report On My Dick In The Morning
N186 So This Is Medicaid?
N187 Mature Cougar Is Addicted To Beej Pie
N188 Abe Lincoln (Not That One) Is Ready For Fatherhood
N189 Sure, You Can Use The Cat Door
N190 No Senator, I Already Have Two
N191 PTA Meeting Is Full Of Joy And Wonder
N192 Oh Peter, Thank You For The Yard Work
N193 A Real Whodunnit!
N194 Horace's Compromise
N195 Plutocrats Got Feelings Too
